My sister-in-law (who is wise in the ways of hospitality) believes that more metropolitan sorts – especially folk from “that there London” – are wont to struggle with matters bucolic.
Being “more Sheraton than Serengeti”, she counsels, they are oft befuddled by the unfamiliar; terms such as, for example, ‘rural’ and ‘offgrid’; ‘wildlife’… and ‘mud’.
Moreover, she reasons, whilst reconnecting with nature is intriguing in principle, the reality – absent the myriad trappings of middle class city-dwelling modernity – can bring many a towny out in hives.
Take, for example, our electrical supply – which is as capricious as (and governed largely by) the English weather.
Then there’s Sunday- and half-day store closing (“What do you mean, I can’t pick up a hemp-infused vegan eco-latte at 3am?”).
Road closures, which defy explanation (or indeed viable detours).
Cockerels that simply don’t know the meaning of a good lie-in.
And lest we forget: a landscape which – whilst green and pleasant, when juxtaposed against the dying embers of the evening sun – may quickly come to resemble Swamp Thing’s allotment, following an overnight storm.
It can be cold, too, in the great outdoors (yes, really). And dark – should there be insufficient sunlight to galvanise our solar panels to lambent action.
This litany of first world problems goes on.
Which is why, in the interests of … let’s call it Expectation Management… we developed a comprehensive Welcome Pack; a detailed introduction to the challenges and idiosyncrasies of lakeside life.
And therein, it seems, lay our mistake. Because – as our Guru of the Guest-Experience explains – said Welcome Pack may actually be a little *too* detailed; somewhat (Heaven forfend) wordy.
To the extent that … well, no one actually reads it.
The solution, she advises: fewer words, more pictures.
Now clearly, being a verbose sort of fellow, this goes so far against the grain as to leave me rending splinters from my digits at the very thought. But needs must, I suppose.
So, our ‘Communications Reevaluation And Pictorialisation’ initiative starts now. With this: the first in a series of visual aids; conveying everything a budget Bear Grills needs to know about the dystopia that awaits … beyond the M25.
Your suggestions as to further such ‘aides-memoire’ are most welcome. I would however urge you (yes: you!) to, please, keep your contributions ‘above the waist’.
Because, as you know, we hate to cause offence.
And as is apparent from recent experience (not to mention, informed opinion): we have to take this C.R.A.P. seriously.
