Following an enforced hiatus – a consequence largely of lockdown III (just when you thought… etc. etc.) – I’m pleased now to update that least visited, arguably most momentous, section of our website: the FUQs (Frequently Unasked Questions) page – repository of those many questions guests never ask; and really should.
I’m also delighted to announce a new award scheme, FUQwit Of The Week.
Sponsored, naturally, by our Public Liability Insurers, the award recognises the week’s most entertaining FUQs (and their hilarious consequences).
There is of course a prize: specifically, a no expenses paid trip to any UK or continental venue (except ours). And this week there really can be only one winner.
Their question in full:
Why can I not deposit hot barbecue coals in the waste bins? And the equally amusing corollary: why are the bins located next to the propane tank anyway?
No adjudication needed, you’ll agree.
Other contenders for the coveted FUQwit award include:
Having paid to fish with one rod, is it OK to use four, provided I spread them across two lakes and promise to be at least 200 yards away from them at all times?
Recognising the risk of cross infection, is it OK to bring my own nets onsite, if I hang them from a tree and pinky-swear not to use them?
Why can I not leave baited hooks on the bank, whilst I’m feeding the ducks?
And (from the same contributor): why can I not leave baited rods in the lake, whilst I go to the shop?
Segueing neatly to:
Why is everyone else in the shop wearing a mask?
And the somewhat leftfield (yet utterly genuine): I haven’t managed to catch anything with this rod you sold me; could I try the next one up? (Why, oh why, was I “raised honest”?)
Other less palatable additions to our Register of the Ridiculous include:
Why is it not OK to dispose of tins, plastic bags and bait tubs in the eco toilets (because, let’s face it, there are few pleasures in life greater than panning through human excrement, at 5am)?
And:
Is it acceptable to soil the bedsheets and pillows, if I conceal the evidence under a duvet?
Interestingly, however, there is one question which does get asked (occasionally if not often); yet nonetheless has, I feel, a certain relevance here.
And it is this:
Why is the proprietor of this establishment always that rather troubling ‘puce’ colour?
