The first week of the inaugural Rum Bridge Winter Games has thrown up more than a few surprises. Not least, the number of participants to fall by the wayside, during what proved to be a particularly taxing qualifying round.
Indeed, three regular competitors (or ‘guests’, as the Games’ format require they be called) fell, quite literally, at the first fence: a test of physical dexterity and intellectual acuity known as ‘Open And Shut’, requiring them to open, and immediately close, a gate.
In fairness, the gate in question does require a four-digit combination, which proved particularly problematic in low light conditions. But it was the competitive pressure that really took its toll in the opening stages of what has been dubbed the Clare Krypton Factor.
Though delighted to qualify in a new record time, just 25 minutes, one particular guest – who by his own admission has trained for the event for over 18 months – expressed apprehension at the complexity of the ‘eliminators’ to come.
Chief among his concerns: the new mental agility round, ‘Climate Crisis’, in which guests work against the clock to plug-in, and adjust the thermostat on, a small panel heater; before (the really tricky bit) switching it off again.
The quarter finals, similarly, will comprise an arithmetical round, ‘Blown Fuse’, challenging guests to determine how many domestic appliances (and in one particularly memorable case, electric vehicle chargers) they can run off a 5-amp socket, before cutting power to the entire site.
Those fortunate to reach the giddy heights of the semis will then test their mettle (not to mention their reaction times) in ‘Baitrunner Blunders’ – in which they’ll be tasked to correctly adjust the drag setting on their reels, and secure their pods, lest said rods join countless others on the Moat lakebed.
And you thought Mr Burns’ flight simulators, 3D spatial awareness tests and Army assault courses were tough!
Unfortunately, this year’s Grand Final – a head-to-head battle between the last two (wo)men standing – will of necessity be ‘dumbed down’, following that unfortunate… incident during last year’s ‘Firepit Frolics’ round (turns out LPG isn’t the best accelerant after all).
More woke, leftie, health-and-safety nonsense, of course; but needs must, to placate our Public Liability Insurers.
For the record, and to mitigate future such disasters (whilst maintaining our cordial relationship with the local Fire Brigade), we will be asking future competitors to sign a Waiver of Liability.
Doubtless, Granada TV did the same.
